Wake Up Juice

I don’t remember exactly when I started drinking coffee in the morning. I know it was long before my wife and I moved away from the state where I was born so I could try and seek my fortune elsewhere. I don’t think I became a regular coffee drinker until I was working for a real estate company, and the commute was over thirty miles one way, which meant I had to get an early start. “Early start” are two words I hate putting together, and I have never in my life been what anyone would consider a morning person. Can I function in the morning if I have to? Sure, at some fundamental level I can be conscious and nominally verbal. When I took a job that meant I had to be up and out the door early every morning, coffee stopped being an occasional indulgence, and become a treasured morning ritual.

Tea has never really occupied the same space. It just doesn’t have the punch I need to get me moving in the morning. I drink them very differently, too. When I started drinking coffee black I realized I’d been hiding the richness and character of my favorite hot morning beverage behind creamer and sugar. I also realized I’d been consuming quite a lot of creamer and sugar. It turns out I like coffee better black. Maybe it’s the tea I’m getting, but I’ve never found one that I could drink straight and think “this would just be ruined by the addition of milk and sugar.” I much prefer tea with a couple of healthy spoonfuls of sugar and enough milk to turn the liquid in my cup a uniform beige.

For the purposes of this strip I took that idea and dialed it up to eleven. If you’re wondering, yes, absolutely I can hold a full grown cow with one arm while squirting milk with the…ah…udder (I was wondering if I would be able to slip a dad joke in here). I don’t do it often. That would be showing off.